I've mentioned in my other blog that I have a new crush. His name is T and he's a manager for an electric company in Canada. I met T a couple of days ago when he messaged me on this online dating site I go to. Right away there was something about T... he was surprisingly open right off the bat and at first it seemed like he didn't really intend on flirting with me. Most guys you know right away about t hese things. Anyway, T was really attentive and friendly, which really surprised me since it's only been a few days. I haven't talked to anyone new like this since J. Not in this vein... He's really generous with saying that I'm very beautiful and that he likes talking to me because I'm very smart. He wants me to go to Canada to visit and he even sort of said he's going to go here. We have a standing agreement to trade services with each other, driving for legal advice. He offered sooo... I told him not to complain. EVER. Hahaha!
I like talking to him. A LOT. So much so that I feel guilt pangs when I talk to him and not to C. I mean, I'm not cheating or whatever. There's nothing to cheat on. C and I are just friends. I like talking to C and I really think there could be something there. When I think of not being able to talk with him ever, I feel really sad. I really think he's the Dexter to my Emma. Not that it would turn out into a happy/tragic ending between us, I really can't tell right now with him blowing hot and cold. He sent me a picture earlier of the 16th Hole, where he's be working come Monday. I really am interested in the stuff he's doing so it's lovely to get pictures from him. I miss him when we don't get to talk every day but then I think the key to staying sane with C is to not expect anything and act cool. It's that simple. If he's there then he's there. Eventually he's going to reach out when the mood strikes him. You can't really force a guy to do anything. Furthermore, if he wants to go to Manila he will. I don't need to badger him about it and wait. I will try not to wait. I shouldn't give away anything that isn't asked of me so I won't devote myself to C. We're just friends. No big deal.
Sometimes I wonder how I should handle this thing I have with T and C. I feel like every time T does something nice for me it's a point for him. In my head, I have somehow made it into a competition for my affection. For T, maybe. It's gotten to a point where I know he likes me in that way. He's very flirty and he even mentioned future smart babies. (I know!) C would never say anything of the sort, although we've touched on parenting styles and all that. One of the more interesting conversations I've had with C is about fidelity and cheating and our attitude about commitment. I'm very traditional and he seems to be alright with it. T and I haven't talked about anything like that. He doesn't even know my biggest "baggage" a.k.a lack of relationship experience.
I understand C better now. Why he didn't walk away from me when he got a new girlfriend a few months back... it's so hard to walk away from THIS. It's just nice to have him around, you know? The biggest regret I will have is if he never goes here and we never get to do what we planned. No matter how it plays out I at least want to have done that. I wish I could tell him. Or that it crosses his mind somehow. I'm sure he'll want to push through with it this year. Otherwise, I just might go to the US next year so I finally know. I can't not know anymore. I feel like if I don't at least get to kiss him once in my sorry life I will regret it and look back even if this thing with T goes somewhere.
On the other hand, my thing with T is also interesting. It's unfolding fast and in a completely different direction. No, I don't think we're friends. He seems to like me and it's very very flattering.
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