A Moment of Honesty

I think I've forgotten the feeling of what it was to not have butterflies in the stomach. I wake up every morning feeling happy and hopeful that I would speak to him and that I would hear something funny or sweet from him. Anything he says just seems so fascinating and fun and smart. When he mentions a movie or a book or a show I want to look for it so I can have more in common with him. And we have a lot of stuff in common already. I can talk about him and the things he likes and doesn't like the whole day. Yeah, even I scare myself. I don't want to come off as some stalker. It has gotten to a point that people I normally gush to are sick and tired of me telling stories about him. I think he would blush if he knew how enthusiastic I feel about him. I wonder if he's the same about me?

I just wonder why things other people do that irritate me to no end are alright when he does it. Like spelling and grammar. I'm a huge grammar nazi but it's something cute when he does it wrong. Like when he misspelled ___ again. Adorbs. :)

He told me recently in not so many words that I am special. More special than Boardwalk Empire. Totally heartwarming. :) Yes you are special to me too. 20 days until the end of 2013 and then it's the year when we could finally meet. I can't wait!

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I hate how every time my phone beeps with an email or whatsapp message my breath catches and I hope that it's you. I hate that it hasn't been true for a week now. I wonder where you've gone? Is wondering clingy? You can't really blame me for that after we've been so close the past couple of weeks and you shared with me your plans of meeting this year. My bestfriend tells me to be patient and wait for you to reach out to me. I am trying so hard to not text but I fail miserably, I just miss our connection so much. I wonder why you don't? Is this all one sided? At first I was annoyed but now I'm just anxious to know how you are. You're probably just busy with work and pre-employment stuff. I get it. And even if you just didn't feel like talking I shouldn't hold it against you, I know New Year's isn't your fave holiday, for personal reasons. It just hurts to have your world revolve around someone who doesn't give a shit. I feel very vulnerable and confused about the whole nonrelationship relationship we have going here, I really hope we resolve things this year. You don't know how eager I am to just KNOW with certainty if this can progress beyond a crush or penpals. On the one hand, I know we can't say anything for certain without meeting yet and this just kills me... I hate running around in circles.